EggRoll's Art Journal: Entry 2

"You two-faced bastard..."

(WARNING immature rant/vent ahead)
I feel like this sometimes... Actually I feel like this now. I've spent my whole damn life trying to please people and follow the rules that I've almost had to evolve into some kind of social shapeshifter... This became more than evident to me than ever before just a few days ago when I had a rather pointed discussion with my mother on the subject of college. I really don't want to go to UVA, but that's not something one's parents consider when trying to get their kid into "the family school". (Maybe this is not really their true endeavor, but it sure feels like it now) And that made me think of the faces. All the faces I wear around my parents, my peers, the closest of my friends... Faces I use to please everyone to the best of my ability. And it just feels like I never actually take them off, I just pile more crappy grins and "pretending to know what the hell I'm talking about" on top of other faces that I've never bothered to discard until my own face is buried and no longer my own. Until I'm just a big ball of what I think people want me to be. For once I'd like to say what I mean without considering what other people may want to hear, I want the face I wear to be mine, and the one that doesn't wear a submissive grin. I want to just tell people what I want without fear of disappointment. But mostly... I want the face I wear to be the one that says what I've been trying to make so many of my "older, wiser figures of guidance" understand:

"Leave me alone. You're not helping"

Now, I know I'm not alone. Plenty of people feel this way, and most people have it worse than me, but right now what I'm feeling seems important somehow.

Someday I'd really like for someone to call me on all my face changing BS so I can just cry and get on with my life.

Sorry for depressing you if I did. <3

~EggRoll

P.S: This drawing made me feel better...
Haseo (c) Bandai