I'm not feeling well. I'm not sick in any physical sense, but my spirit is dead and my will to do anything other than feel like crap is practically non existent. I would claim that I don't know what sparked this downward spiral, but I do, and it's complicated and slightly petty so I'm not going to delve into it here. I will say that I really have no idea how it will effect my presence here. I could try to go on making art to post here, or I could just as easily give up and abandon my post as this account's sole contributor for a while, it all depends on how shitty I feel at the end of each day. I know none of you want to hear this(and most of you won't because you won't read any of this and I don't blame you for that), but I feel it must be said. I might wake up tomorrow morning, look back on this journal, and feel stupid for sharing something like this, but I know myself too well and I know that as soon as the sun goes down tomorrow evening I'll go back to wishing I didn't exist and this journal will be relevant once again.
I'm very sorry for all the people to whom I haven't replied, but I hope this offers some explanation as to why I haven't been around much. You see, I find it difficult to feign happiness when it's not there, and I don't want to reply to your messages with anything less than gratitude and sincerity.
That said I'm not sure how the next few weeks will play out. But I am sure of one thing; the actual number of people who give half a shit about my art is so small that I doubt my absence will have any impact on anyone. I mean I could probably keel over dead and virtually no one would care. But that's just me being bitter, and probably more reason for me to get the hell out of here until I'm not such a shitty person.
With that said, best of luck to anyone else having a hard time right now. We can all have a pity party at my house and drink tea made with our bitter tears.